To Date or Not to Date?

When I joined high school, I made up my mind that I would focus on many things- but not boys.

This was contrary to what many teenagers desired at the time. Of course, I had boys who were my friends. I would have a crush on one, like another, and laugh about it with my best friend, Angie. We would gossip, giggle, create imaginary scenarios in our heads, and then move on with life.

But I never saw myself as someone’s girlfriend.

To me, that title felt like pressure.

What exactly do girlfriends do?
What do they not do?
Where do these teenage couples even hang out?
What happens when you are suddenly expected to act like you are in a serious relationship, yet you are still trying to understand yourself?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I was not cut out for that.

I was very comfortable keeping my crushes at a safe distance, where they belonged- in conversation, laughter, and harmless imagination.

But there were many girls who loved the idea of dating. They enjoyed coming back to school after the holidays with stories of how they had spent time with their boyfriends.

Some would even talk about kissing.

THE HORROR!

Wouldn’t they get pregnant from that?

I would quietly wonder, even though I knew my Biology reproductive system lesson very well.

Looking back, I can laugh at myself now. But at the time, dating felt like a whole world I was not ready to enter. And honestly, I am grateful I listened to that inner hesitation.

Because to me, dating in high school was a distraction.

Not because feelings are bad. They are not.

Crushes are normal. Attraction is normal. Wanting to be liked is normal. Enjoying attention is normal. Teenagers are human beings with emotions, curiosity, and a growing desire to be seen and loved.

But just because something is normal does not mean it is wise to enter it too early.

As a teenager, you may ask, “So when is the best time to date?”

My honest answer would be: after high school.

That may sound old-fashioned to some people, but it is my personal conviction.

There is already so much happening during the teenage years. You are growing physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. You are trying to understand your identity. You are managing school pressure. You are navigating friendships, comparison, body changes, family expectations, self-esteem, peer influence, and future dreams.

That is already a lot.

So before adding the emotional weight of a romantic relationship, it is worth asking:

Can I handle this well?
Do I understand myself enough?
Do I know my boundaries?
Can I still focus?
Am I looking for love, or am I looking for validation?
Am I ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with someone else’s heart?

Because dating is not just cute photos, good morning texts, butterflies, and someone calling you “babe.”

Dating comes with emotions.

Expectations.

Pressure.

Jealousy.

Boundaries.

Temptation.

Heartbreak.

Confusion.

And sometimes, consequences you did not see coming.

I remember one of my classmates crying because her boyfriend had broken her heart. Her heart was shattered into smithereens by a boy who did not seem to care for her as much as she cared for him.

She could not focus.

For days, she struggled.

Every silence reminded her that the relationship was over. Every corner of the school reminded her of him. Every conversation felt heavy. Her mind kept drifting back to the heartbreak when it should have been focused on the important thing at that stage: her growth, her studies, her friendships, and her future.

And that is the thing about teenage relationships.

Sometimes, they demand adult-level emotional maturity from people who are still children in many ways.

That is not an insult. It is simply the truth.

Teenagers are still becoming.

And because they are still becoming, they need to be careful about what they allow to shape their hearts too early.

This does not mean boys and girls cannot be friends. They absolutely can.

Have friends of the opposite gender. Laugh. Talk. Learn how to relate respectfully. Enjoy healthy conversations. Build friendships without pressure. Learn how to appreciate people without needing to possess them. Learn how to admire someone without making them your whole world.

But romantic relationships?

Not yet, my darling.

Give yourself time.

Time to know who you are before you attach yourself to someone else.

Time to build confidence before you start depending on someone else to make you feel beautiful, wanted, or worthy.

Time to understand your values before you are pressured to compromise them.

Time to grow your mind, your gifts, your voice, your faith, your discipline, your friendships, and your dreams.

There is no prize for dating early.

There is no medal for having a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school.

And there is no shame in choosing to wait.

In fact, waiting can be wisdom.

It can be strength.

It can be self-leadership.

It can be you saying, “I know love is beautiful, but I also know I am not ready to carry it like this.”

So, to date or not to date?

For me, the answer was simple:

Not yet.

Not because love is wrong.

But because timing matters.

And some things, when awakened too early, can take more from you than they give.

So guard your heart. Build your life. Enjoy your friendships. Discover your gifts. Focus on becoming.

Love will not run away because you chose wisdom.

And when the time is right, may you enter it whole, grounded, clear, and ready.

Until then, do not awaken love before its time.